Where It Hurts

I really like my dentist. He's been more than patient with me for at least 25 years, as my gums recede and my teeth abcess and take leave of my mouth. He sees me when I'm in pain and almost doesn't lecture me, even though we both know I wouldn't be in such pain if I saw him more regularly instead of on an emergency basis. Because, even though I like him, I don't like the whole business of dentistry and ignore it as much as possible.

It's just like car insurance. I dislike the concept of insurance a lot. Seems like betting against yourself. If you're willing to do that, what other depths might you sink to? Plus, insurance is expensive. None of that matters, if you live below the radar. You just never register your car and abandon it when the plates go out of date. I mean donate it to a charity. By abandoning it. I don't like insurance but I have insurance because I'm not such a great driver anymore and I don't like having roadside chats with cops about expired registrations. Sometimes it seems like the choices in life are worse and worser.

Today, after he alleviated gum and sinus pain in the left side of my mouth by adding some padding to the right side of the device that provides me with the illusion of having upper teeth, my dentist told me that he wants to get a divorce. He says it's amicable, even though his wife doesn't want it. What can I say? She's a retired nurse and has been assisting him ever since she retired. She is smart and competent and even got him to travel to Europe. I thought they enjoyed each other's company. Apparently, they were good actors until they got their kids raised and now they have nothing to talk about.

What next? Will she move to LA, where her family lives? Will she get surly and refuse to play the amicable divorce game? He's planning on a trip to Mumbai (she hates all that spicy food and poverty, he says) His dental assistant says he'll no doubt buy a motorcycle and a Porsche. Today he had an awful haircut. It looked like someone had used garden shears and trimmed around a bowl, balanced unevenly on his head. This is worrying but it will be worse if he's suddenly all gleaming and spiffy because of a new love interest. I told him maybe to try a trial separation rather than the whole epic production, just to keep himself safe from fortune hunters. Hope he listened.