Sleep Is a Trickster

Sleep is my craving. It's been twenty years since I could do it very well, by which I mean fall off the edge of consciousness into a very warm abyss and float endlessly for hours, wake peaceful and relaxed, like a yacht docking in a placid harbor. Maybe it's only hindsight says it was like that. Maybe I was always a restless, dream-ridden, snoring and shouting sleeper.

I am a shouting sleeper now. I shout things like "Get out of here!" "You bitch!" "Don't you even think about it!" Often I wake myself up with the ruckus and my heart beating 150 mph. Or the Man will wake me up, insisting that everything is okay, which is ludicrous because why would I be shouting if everything is okay?

I could approach this scientifically, were I so inclined. I could write down every single thing I ate and drank during the course of a day. If I forgot my statin. Whether I had one or two toffee-ettes. Did that sip of brandy really count? And then I could compare my dream life, under the influences of various comestibles. Well, it would be fun to discover whether dining on mushrooms produced Lewis Carroll sorts of rabbit hole dreams, wouldn't it? Or forgetting the niacin meant dreaming of kung pao shrimp. But I am not that organized, not to say (or even imply) compulsive. (Is the opposite of compulsive expulsive?)

The other night I dreamed about Stepson. He was dressed in a suit (never happen) and frowning, meeting with other suits, also frowning, lots of tension and silent communication taking place, Stepson clearly out of his depth with these Mafioso types. Then, there was his girlfriend, drunk and crying, worried about him and his associating with these types but he wouldn't listen. So she drank and he repudiated her for drinking. Where did that come from? was my waking thought.

A couple days later, we found out that Stepson and Girlfriend, who were planning on a marriage in a month or so, have broken up. She doesn't know why. He does not respond to phone messages or e-mail. You know how some people just seem right together? They did. No cause for joy.